This Is What Real Calabasas Merch Looks Like

Kanye West’s latest merch collection of casualwear for adidas pays homage to the dreamy Santa Monica enclave of Calabasas with a full range of sporty staples. Needless to say, after being endlessly teased for months, the collection sold out in mere minutes after finally dropping at the tail-end of last month.

Why Calabasas, you ask? Well, it’s Kanye’s home. The city of Calabasas is made up of multiple luscious gated communities, and it’s home to some of the world’s biggest celebrities. Everyone from Kanye and the Kardashian clan, to Drake, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, and Justin Bieber call this bougie ‘hood home.

Nestled in the hills, Calabasas residents once reveled in their city’s relative obscurity. It’s one of the many reasons why it’s long been considered a safe hideaway for celebs vying to escape the lens of the paparazzi.

But now, thanks to Kanye, Calabasas has a firmly fixed place in the cultural zeitgeist. And what better way for Kanye to celebrate Calabasas and its residents with a collection of ‘80s-inspired casualwear? Calabasites spend most of their time shuffling between their houses to their cars and back again, and some comfy Calabasas branded Three Stripe steez would really be the perfect uniform.

It’s safe to say Kanye’s latest Calabasas collection is a major upgrade from the “official” Calabasas merch we found being touted online, but we’ll let you decide. Below, we’ve rounded up the very best (non-Yeezy-approved) Calabasas merch that’s available to buy right now. Don’t expect any sci-fi inspired Planet Kosmos font here, though. This is the real stuff.

Calabasas has just 25,000 residents and 95 percent of them are international pop megastars (that’s a completely fabricated number), but the median household income is actually around $130,735, well above the US national average of around $51,939. So, you can totally understand why Calabasas’s affluent crowd is quick to make a connection between Calabasas and Compton (a distinctly working class city in LA county). Nope? Me neither.

Yet, someone out there thinks the Calabasas-Compton connection runs so deep that it deserved its very own merch offering. Yep, you can actually cop a load of “Straight Outta Calabasas” garb on Amazon’s marketplace, if you feel like to making an unsavory salute to N.W.A’s 1998 LP Straight Outta Compton.

All jokes aside, 6.1 percent of Calabasas’s population still live below the poverty line, so not all of Calabasas’ residents would see the irony of this bootleg merch offering, which tests the fine line between distasteful humor and straight-up offensive.

You have to remember that this ambient enclave is notoriously private, in order to protect its elite residents. So, it’s fair to assume that Calabasas’ most exclusive gated communities won’t be welcoming tourists or any obsessive Drake fans with open arms anytime soon.

But if you do choose to turn up in some authentic Calabasas gear like the stuff featured above, then we’re sure you could easily be mistaken for a resident and be hastily ushered in through those gilded gates. It’s high time to swap your tired ‘I Heart NY’ T-shirt from Times Square for a variety of Calabasas-emblazoned T-shirts with some quirky graphic treatment that Kanye’s design team would approve of too (but probably not).

Calabasas is very proud of its homegrown global exports, which include a slew of dire reality shows from the new millennium, as well as its flagship show Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Besides producing such televised finery on the reg, Calabasas also boasts its own micro fashion industry.

Ok, not quite, but Kanye does have an office there and it’s probably where he tinkered away on his very own Calabasas merch designs. Perhaps Yeezy Season 6 will see the launch of Calabasas Fashion Week? Again, probably not, but one Calabasas fanboy out there believes the city merits a merch offering celebrating all things “Made in Calabasas”.

The Calabasas Coyotes is the football team of Calabasas High School, and we imagine the city’s lavished residents ritually unite at the bleachers to cheer on its star athletes. And what is the uniform de rigueur at the Coyotes’ famed pep rallies? The Coyotes’ own steezy merch selection, of course. It includes a myriad offering of T-shirts, hoodies, and track ensembles, all available in a variety of styles and colors.

Kanye teased fans with the official Calabasas adidas cap long before the collection dropped, and of course, it has since sold out. However, you can actually cop a fake version above of Kanye’s Calabasas cap if you’re really that eager to emulate Kanye’s latest capsule collection.

Alternatively, you can proclaim your love for Calabasas on Amazon’s marketplace with a slew of steezy alternatives that range from a loud, red bucket hat in order to perfect the early ‘00s trends that are gaining traction right now to a plush baby pink number for some serious ‘90s sportswear vibes.

Time is money, especially in a place like Calabasas. It’s home to so many obscenely wealthy celebrity residents who take their time very seriously. Calabasas’s own monarchs Kim and Kanye have probably made a ridiculous amount of money just in the time it’s taken you to read this sentence.

So, it makes sense that a thoughtful somebody out there went ahead and crafted an iconic two-piece collection of T-shirts to remind you of the time zone differences between key fashion capitals such as Dallas, Toronto, and of course, Calabasas.

More interested in Kanye’s adidas “Calabasas” Collection? Here’s every single piece.

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